muffin

even when i don't blog about it...life does plug along!

have been coneecting more with folks from back on the old tour days, simply amazing what myspace can do!

Have tickets in hand for All Good, Phil in PA both June 19th and 20th, and getting ready to purchase Gathering of the vibes soon.

Have been spending a lot of time with natty...seems to be doing much better.  lets hope he keeps it up because he already sounds and looks healthier and i know he wants to live and not have to deal with addiction forever until it kills him....

getting back into skating thanks to natty, i have missed it and slowly go out a tiny bit in the garage to try and get my balance back as well as ride the vewdo board more and more!
I cannot wait to get the BDS squadron deck in from him as the mbn is awesome, but will be nice to ride something not taller then my 7 year old! (my mbn longboard is 52 inches!)

I love cinnamon hazelnut coffee.....the show shameless from the UK is a new addiction and they cannot show episodes fast enough on sundance (i wish I got bbcA, but oh well, not like they show the eastenders anymore)

have been collecting old grateful dead memorabilia...have some fun stuff and comics and such....

planning a move back to vermont next summer...have to look into schools and stuff there for juju as it is time to go home, vt really is home and I just cannot be here any more.
I am sticking it out one more year only to give me time to do the move right, get everything in order for her to make it smooth as possible in switching schools and such rather then rush this summer and get it all done.

i have mentioned it to her a few times and she seems very excited about it.

natty is getting me a personal trainer.....this shall prove very interesting!  my fat ass does need to get whipped back into shape and a trainer will help me a ton!  I go to the gym, but just need someone to guide me and push me....otherwise i just do the same crap over and get results but so fucking slowly it is almost pointless....

the etsy site is going well....have to get some stuff made, but had a really huge wholesale order!  120 kitty markers to www.woolgirl.com for her hello kitty themed yarn club kit!

how fun is that?

ok gonna run....

wow, february seemed to drag, but I cannot get over it is March...so much has been happening

ok first off there is this video...I don't know these guys, but I know them...they are pretty much everything i cannot stand about the nj shore...
now granted, they are not the shore, but a lot of people who go are like them.
I used to have to go to the shore to cover shows for my old job and I always dreaded it...these guys live for all those insane jersey shore clubs and bands and frankly, that is not my scene.  I love live music, but cover bands playing to people who come off as cover humans just killed me...
so glad I am no longer working there and have to go down there for work and have to sit through shows packed with these types of folks....

I cannot get this song out of my head...well there are a few that get stuck in there, not so much because of the catchy song, or anything, but because the lyrics really do touch a place in my heart or soul, somewhere someplace....I just I know that feeling and of the words pouring out of ones head so fast, blocking out and trying to heal...it is a crazy passionate writing and feels wonderful to purge but as you do it is all rushing back into you and reliving itself...it is the brink of insanity and I loved it, every moment of it and even now writing about it all those years ago, I feel it and well, yeah.....

But Fidelity by Regina Spektor really has had a hold of me lately....

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart

Today I spent 45 mins on the treadmill.  The name treadmill seems strange to spell out.  Why tread?  Why not pace or walk, or run....and what is with the mill.  I mean call me old fashioned, but what is it milling exactly?  I have seen roads milled and I truly hope that is not what I am doing, though my left hip is feeling it a bit.

So 45 mins of walk fast/jog...not bad.  Feels great with the not smoking.  And feels really great with the whole getting healthy thing I gots going on.

Juju was invited to go to the Little Gym in town with a buddy.  I was thinking of signing her up (it is not a gym per say, but like gymnastics for smaller kids), so this is perfect.  She loves her tap and ballet classes and will be nice to have a Thursday thing.  This way she has Tues - Tap, Thursday - Gymnastics, and Saturday - Ballet, as her out of school projects.  I think that makes for the perfect amount a 7 year old needs for activities.  I feel so bad because at her age I was skiing or riding, but she is so scared of those, and it is not like when I was a kid and we got to go outside all day after school, she has close to two hours of homework and stuff and she is in the first grade!

Next winter though she will take skiing or snowboard.  That is it, she needs to get over some of her fears and at least then if she tries it and gives it up, I know she was not just saying it because she was young.  I guess I should consider myself lucky, there is one parent whose daughter does nothing.  Seriously, she watches tv and plays on the computer and that is it.  She forces her to stay in Brownies.

Oh yeah Juju has two after school programs that meet every other week, one is Armata Bianca 1st and 3rd Thursday after school to 4 and Brownies is 2nd and 4th Friday til 4.  Those are fun and all but three girls in her grade are in them (17 girls total), so it is a nice social thing to do, but the dance stuff, well no one from her class is in that with her, but she loves them, especially tap.

As for me, well not too much is going on.  Been working on the etsy stuff (www.creativemuffin.com) and that is going well, need better pictures and to get more stuff made and posted.  Seems like I never have enough time to do what I need to do ever.  I know, how silly since I am not "working" in the traditional sense!

I think I am going back to school though.  Graduate degree sounds really good to me right now and can only help me out in the long run, no?  Have to make a call to the school and see about that, maybe start this summer semesters if they offer them for grad work.

Also, need to get to work on getting a benefit concert together.  I have to put this thing together, the folks in New Orleans need serious help, and frankly the government is a bit too busy spending (I think I heard this number correctly today on NPR and it stuck in my head because it was simply shocking)  almost  HALF  a BILLION dollars a day, yeah, I know, insanity.

I just tried searching for daily spending Iraq war and in an article on CNN, August 2004 it was 177 million per day, so yeah, I am thinking just under a half a billion can seem plausible, and if not, then heck, lets say it is the 177 MILLION that was being spent daily in Iraq in August 2004....
I am not trying to start an anti-war debate or anything, what I want to point out is how we had a horrific hurricane kill and destroy part of our home, our country, our fellow American's business, family, home, and so forth, and we can rebuild it with what amounts to a year spent fighting in Iraq (estimates range from 200-300 Billion).

So yes, Saddam was a bad guy, he is now dead, Iraq is beginning to quagmire (I know, but let's play nice and just say beginning, remember I am not trying to start some anti-war fight here), we have hundreds of thousands of people still scattered all over the country, separated from friends, family, community and pets, as well as everything they owned and were....shouldn't we take care of ourselves before we can take care of others?

I mean people always talk about how if you want to take of someone you have to take care of yourself first.  You cannot care for someone if you are sick, or homeless, or what have you, insert what is needed here ______________.
So, how can we as a nation be strong for other nations when we are teetering on a recession, a huge portion of our population is displaced (which, isn't what has happened to the resident of NOLA who were forced to move and be scattered similar to that of the Kurds which is partially what brought us to Iraq int he first place so many years ago?), we need to really buckle down and focus on our interests close to home before we have no home to defend?

Ok, enough with this for now...my brain is trying to purge to much and I need to slow down and focus on things closer to home, my home, right here, where my heart is and yet I feel pulled to move away from here...I really miss Vermont.  I love it there and want to go back.  I already spoke to my parents about spending a huge portion of the summer there with Juju and how she can come down here for a while and we can do camp and such, but I really think it would be good for her and myself to spend some time there, just like I did when I was a kid and have some real freedom of nature and the beauty that is Vermont to inspire us both....

Alrighty, I am going to head back downstairs and keep on working to get the craftyness space back in order.  Lately (remember seems like I never have enough time) things are getting done, but then just stacked up and I have had a bunch of supplies come in and just get tossed tot eh pile on the tables and such...I really have to get on it and get things tidy and organized (my never ending battle, or wait, what is that line, the monkey on your back, gah, now I cannot remember how it goes!!!)

Oh, one last little notey thingy...Juju has saying Bonjour randomly, so she asked what it meant and we had a small impromtue french lesson.  She did fairly well too, so looks like I need to brush up on my lacking french skills.

Also, making contact with old friends has been good, has me very happy and yet a bit nervous.  These are people I shared such deep and secret parts of my life.  What will they think of who I have become?  Will they still think of me as a friend?  And others I really miss and am almost scared to call, ryan, deb, my heart longs to talk to you both, but what will you think of who I have become?  Or is it just that I am so excited at the prospect of hearing and talking to them again, I want to savor that?

enough.......

today is a full lunar eclipse, last one til 2010!!!  I watch ed part of it and it was beautiful! 
I am fully connected to the moon in so many ways and look forward to my summer full moon swim in august in vt as I have not done one in way too many years.

I began the Master Cleanse today.  I have been needing to get the remaining yucky from my body since I quit smoking, so I figure this is a good way, plus what with my birthday coming up, I need to move from smoking to general health and this process (because trust me, the whole cleanse thing is a total process) is pretty consuming and keeps my mind on that.  Though today being the first day I did think a few times how nice a smoke would be to take my mind off of the not eating during the day, then found other things to distract me.

I know doing this is going to help me a lot.  You regain half the weight back you lose, but the idea is to break bad eating habits, of which I have many and I made a conscious effort to eat healthier.  My child eats better then I do.  Granted I cannot eat some of the things she does, but I want to have a clean start and this fast is a great way to do so.  I will be able to go into things clearer when I am done.  I am looking for a finish date of March 4th, with the 5th being my OJ day....BUT if things go well, I will stick with the cleanse a bit longer.

I have also been busy what with leaving my job at STARS and working more on the etsy/website selling my handmade goods and patterns!
I am looking into taking stained glass classes.  I don't know why, but I feel and have felt drawn to making stained glass for a while now.  I have to make the call, but looks like it is a pretty decent deal, 160 for 6 pvt classes on my terms and dates!  They supply everything.

I also have spoken to a few gals on some crafting sites I am on.  These gals make stained glass for a living and have given me the list of tools and other supplies I will need tog et started right, not trial and error as they have done that for me!

Also, as a little side not, I am thinking more and more about spending the summer in VT, realistically.  I would need to bring the cats, but that is no big deal and Juju can stay up there for part of it with me and we can come down so she can do summer camp with friends while mom's friends come up to golf and such...if nothing else, I will be going up there for at least a month, just to get out and recenter myself where I belong.....

Not here, my job...as high as they got my hopes when they persued me, they promised me original bands...gah the list goes on...

My boss turned out to be a really bad alcoholic, my co-workers were jerks, it was a rather hostile environment for a person who did not want ti sit for over half the day and waste time for pay.

I found it to be a very uncomfortable position to be in, picking my drunk boss up at the bar and making sure his car got home, covering for people, my boss verbally abusing me for things I did not do, only to try and apologize saying his gout made him do it....it was a hostile environment and I hate having to feel like I had to quit, but a week ago friday, he crossed the line.  he was home in a drunken stupor and we all know this because he kept calling the office from the bar he was in wasted during work hours thursday, and sent out an email i sent him in confidence about an issue i was having with another co-worker, only he did not just resend it out with a smartass answer like he did monday morning, to me and to another co-worker AND the one I was having the issue with, no, this time he resent it out to about 20 people OUTSIDE the office and god knows how many more the BCCed on it.

that was it....I told him I could not be an agent, he told me he would give me another position, I kept telling him he needed to fix it, him and his wife (our HR/office mgr, I am not even going into her right now either), I told him the one co-worker was horrible to me and I could not take it any more, basically i feel like they forced me to quit so they would not have to pay unemployment.

It was an awful place to work and i was still waiting on my agents license while booking bands and clubs, which is against the rules of being an agent by the way and I was never comfortable being told to go ahead and book bands , i am covered under his license...after he told me when I first started that I was not technically allowed to do that until i got that little slip of paper and I never did get it in the mail!

I don't know what to do....my insurance is over 300 a mth if i decide to continue with it through them for 18 mths, but I may have to try and seek unemployment, which i am sure they will not like since it means i will have to defend my quitting there.

I am so torn and not sure what to do.....

but hey a few positives, the Super Bowl was good (watched mainly the second half), I have not had a smoke since Dec 31, and Juju is doing well since her ears got flushed out at the doctors a few weeks ago...

I have an interview tomorrow with the fish and wildlife folks at the fish hatchery.  Sadly you can only do 900 per fiscal year because of a freeze on hiring for years now, but if i get the 900 in before the end of june, i can get rehired in july as that is when their new year starts.  No bennies though....but get to work in nature and replenishing the trout and such!

Railroad Earth show is coming up and I have been standing up for my beliefs and as such, myself...yeah it might not make folks like me, but if I do it in a nice and respectful way, that is what truly matters.

Don't forget about New Orleans folks, she is a long way from being back and needs all the help we can offer!

Oh and the Dead, well who is left minus Billy, will be playing at the Warfield tomorrow in support of Barak Obama....now I wish I could be there for that one guys....The Boys are back, even if it is just for one night....love to those going and I will catch it on iclips website as a simulcast!

i was speaking to my aunt, bean as we call her. the other day.

she is the youngest of my mom and her other sister.  She has been having a time of it, survived breast cancer and had a double mast.  she had her implants put in when it was done and now it has been a few years and her body is having a few issues with it....anyway....

so we were talking about gram and how she would have a single drink every afternoon.  bean shared with me how she would go to scranton and go shopping with her, and this was a very big deal...

gram would have a single sweet manhattan.  bean could not wait until she was old enough to have one with her!  being so grown up too do so (besides her sisters left for college and there she was early 1950's home with her mom..

so the day came when she was finally old enough to have a "pick me up" with gram while out shopping.  She ended up having 3 or 4 and poor gram had to get her home as bean ended up getting quite drunk her first time out!

So we are supposed to get 5-10 inches tonight, but frankly, I am tired of hearing about these supposed snow storms coming.  So Far nothing has really panned out since November.

I have been fairly busy with Juju and the house and work.  The week of New Year though I was so terribly sick.  I am almost over it now, still a slight phlemy cough, but not too bad.  The one really good thing about it, I quit smoking!

Today is 13 days with no cigarette.  I mainly stopped because I had one left and did not want to buy any because I felt like crap.

Two weeks later and still no smoking, so that is good.  Next focus on weight and getting back into the gym and losing weight.

I gave myself a few weeks to munch and shit to get over the smoking, but that is over as of tomorrow, so I will replace smoking with working out.
I renewed Netflix and caught up on Footballers Wives and a new series in the UK called Clatterford.  I love it, but not sure if there is even going to be a 2nd season in the UK yet!

I am a little disturbed by the selling out of classic rock lately, luvs using a beatles song for diapers!  Stevie Ray Vaugn selling an SUV....
Seems a lot more music is being pimped for things I am not sure the authors would respect being sold out for.

So, anyway, have been reconnecting with old friends lately, Fozzy, Chelsea, and a few others.  Lately it seems life has been interesting and finding old friends again makes it that much more fun!

I have been reading.  I finished Choke, but not really that happy with it.  Found it to be annoying actually compared with Survivor.  I am in the beginning of Che (it is about 1000 pages).  Also working on Catch a Fire about Bob Marley.

I have also been selling on Etsy again, so that is nice.  Keeping me busy and inspiring me to make more stuff to sell!

ok, off to read a bit before bed time and hopefully wake up to 5 inches or more of snow!!!

My New Year was fun....had a nice evening, hung out with folks I am just getting to know who are pretty cool.

Sadly though, I am sick and was all weekend leading to NYE.  It is bordering on bronchitis and my doctor (new as I just got insurance through work) gave me three meds to take to make myself better.

Coughing hurts, it has given me a headache and my throat is on fire.

On a good note, I have not had a smoke since 3am NYE.  I had one left and decided not to smoke it.  I did not come into the new year with any resolutions as they get broken anyway so why bother.

So I just didn't smoke my last camel.  I still have it.  Day 4 and while buying coffee this morning after dropping Juju off at school, the QuikChek had a cartons worth of buy one get one free.  I really do miss smoking...

I know this is good and I have been wanting to make changes for my health so this works out for the best.  Besides, honestly, if I had a smoke right now I don't think I could survive the throat pain or a coughing bout as my lungs would probably make a break for my mouth.

I have been trying not to snack more then I normally do, well actually I am making a concerted effort to snack less anyway as a part of the getting healthy thing.  I am not cutting out snacking or junk for now as I know that could be a kiss of death to the stop smoking thing, but making sure I notice what and how much and often something goes in my mouth.
I did buy a huge thing of cheese balls yesterday as they feel good on my throat and are my favorite junk food.  I figure if I regulate how much of that I have, makes my throat feel good and comforts me when I really want a smoke, I can cut them out one the ginormous tub is empty.  It will be the last one I ever buy after all!!

One issue.  The Z Pack is making my tummy very unhappy.

Ok back to bed for me...my lungs are killing me from coughing and I was directed by the doctor to rest in bed!!!

What was your reaction to the results of the Iowa caucuses?  

WOW, just plain wow....